"don't you love me?"

Hi there, Mom! Oh, I know you can't hear me, you don't even know I'm here yet, but I am.  God nows I'm here.  My beginning maybe wasn't perfect but He still chose to have me become a part of the human race.  I'm mighty small right now but before long you'll feel me growing inside you.  I'm so excited to know how special I'll be, no body else made exactly like me.  I will have bluish eyes and red hair just like you.  I hope you'll be pleased when you become aware of my existence.


Well, you found out about me today, Mom.  I have a feeling that you didn't expect me to be here, but I am.  I began to sense that you were not so sure about what you had just learned.  You were so emotional, I could feel your body trembling.  When your father heard about me he became very angry.  I felt the blows and heard the shouts.  Why doesn't he like me?  Why is he so mean to you, to us?  Where's my dad, he'd stick up for me, wouldn't he?  I have a horrible feeling I'll never see his face, but why?  He won't be there to welcome me when I'm born.


Why doesn't anyone seem to want me?  My little body is in much pain, I toss and turn feeling like something is gonna burst inside me.  You are crying so hard I wonder if you're ever gonna stop.  Your father told you that you had to leave home right away and to never ever tell anyone about all this, about me.


Your stomach started to show but instead of happiness that you are to become a mother you got even more sad as the months passed.  Why is it you never talk to me, never hug me?  I still don't feel safe.  My body is growing and that feels so good but in my heart I feel fearful of the world outside of where I am now.  I am almost 36 weeks old and I feel I am about to be born.  Maybe when I'm born and you see me your heart will want to hold me and never let me go.  I know when you see me you will change your mind.


                            * * * * * * * * * * * *


There are problems with my birth but when I cry out I know I am alive.  When I see your face though there is so much sadness in it, a mere hint of a smile but you hesitate to hold me.  When I'm laying in the crib, nurses attending me at times, I toss and turn, people around but I still feel so alone.  Something inside makes me want to do something to chase away the loneliness I feel.


Mom, you never talk to me much, you seem like a stranger.  Then you get sick and I can't see you for a long while.  Finally you're better and we take a long ride on a bus.  When we get to where we're going you take me to a hospital type place where there are others similar to me.  So many of them look like I feel, faces filled with questions, rather than jumping for joy.


Mom, why are you crying, why don't you hold me, don't you love me?  Then you walk away and I never see your face again.  The love I'd hoped for is gone.




Further to the above:  There is much evidence that negative outside forces (much as described above) affect a baby in the womb and carry over even into adulthood.  I have pieced together the tidbits I learned when I was able to finally meet some people who knew my birth mother and the family environment she grew up in.  The above post is a result of my desire to verbalize what I must have been feeling even in my growing body in the months preceding my actual birth date.  My birth mother (who I never got to meet) grew up in a home where 'secrets' were paramount and never to be shared with anyone outside, that is the feeling I got from the little information I found.  She died with this 'secret' (my birth) at 47 years of age.  


The following is a letter to an Unborn Child. "The Heavenly Father will bless you," is one of my favorite lines and He really has.    

A Love Letter To My Unborn Child

© Carlisa P. Branch

I write this letter to my unborn child from the depths of my soul.
You've entered my womb and made my life complete and whole.
I never thought I would be chosen for such an awesome task.
It is a greater blessing than what I ever could ask.
I can almost imagine you in my mind.
Beautiful, Happy, Bouncing, flashing a smile so kind.
Feeling you flutter is a sensation like no other.
It does wonders for the joy of this soon-to-be-mother!
You create a glow in me I never knew I would see.
It is true happiness that sets me on cloud nine manifested deep inside of me!
You're my baby, my child, my heart, and my wonder.
I pray we create a bond that no one can put asunder.
You're a designers' original! A creation from the King!
I can hardly wait for you to enter the world and see the joy you bring.
Sweet baby of mine, you're a magnificent gift from above.
Living proof of how your father and I have shared our love.
I hope you have your fathers' eyes
Then you will go into the world able to look at all things wise.
I hope you inherit my ability to plan.
With that you will be able to face all things in life as a strong woman or man.
I hope you receive from your father his selfless ways.
For this the Heavenly Father will bless you, as he did him, all of your days.
I hope you learn from me, spirit and let no one take it.
Believe me you will need it in life, and many will try to break it.
But with that spirit you must have your father's center.
With that you will be cautious of any door you enter.
I want you to have my curiosity.
There's nothing wrong with questions you may blurt!
But receive your fathers' discernment,
so you'll know when to let go before getting hurt.
Have my big heart; know what emotions are and how to be real.
Share your fathers' strength so you can handle what you feel.
Share my sense of humor! Laugh a lot it helps you through life.
Share your fathers' sense of duty. Know how to be serious and take strife.
I'm emotional so I tell you its okay to blubber once and a while like your Mom.
But learn to develop what your father has; an excellent sense of calm.
But most of all the things I wish for your father and I to share.
I wish we teach you to love, respect, strength of mind, and to care.
These are my feelings, wishes and hopes for you.
You make my heart and soul sing!
I welcome you to the world and thank you for the joy,
my little king.

Source: A Love Letter To My Unborn Child, Children Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/a-love-letter-to-my-unborn-child#ixzz1ZYphGYYo 
Family Friend Poems