MISSING A FRIEND

Today as I was going through some stuff in a filing box I ran across a folder of letters and cards I had received from a friend some years back, 1980's and 90's.  It was hard to read through them again because I saw a precious guy whose life had been changed by God but his final days in life were not very pleasant.  In September, 1990 I received a letter from a Banking Company advising me that he had died.  That news was a shock to me as he was only in his late 30's.  Sometime previous to receiving the news of his death I had received a letter from Norman and in it he cut off our friendship.  The following is his exact words:

"Stan,

   I received your letter a few days ago and as usual I was disappointed by it & found it very depressing, so much so that I will have to ask you to stop writing me.

   I don't want to have any contact from you anymore.

   I do hope you'll get your life turned around before its too late

                                                Norman"

It was some months before I decided to stop and write a letter to him hoping that perhaps he had changed his mind.  That was when I received the letter from the Bank stating that Norman had passed away.  I had been back West to visit Norman about 5 years earlier and had went with him to the church he was attending.  I decided to write a letter to the Pastor of the church he had went to and see if I could find out additional information concerning Norman.  The following is the letter I received back:

"Thank you for your letter of September 19th and the expression of concern you had for Norm ____.

Norm was a member of our church for some time and during that time experienced a major change in his perspective on life because of his personal relationship with God and His Word.

Norm was always interested in evangelism and would create gospel tracts for translation into other languages.  He was a faithful attender and a good friend to a number of men in the church.

Norm's background prior to his born-again experience was, like any Christian's past, no longer a factor in the new life he chose to live.  However, the effects of it in his body became evident a few years ago.  Norm was diagnosed with AIDS and immediately he began to put his trust in God's Word concerning his healing.  We watched Norm leave the Intensive Care Ward and a near death state to return to work and a normal lifestyle.  The miracle power of God was something Norm experienced personally.

The change in his attitude that you referenced was due to personal choice Norm made concerning some hurt.  It caused him, as the Bible teaches, to experience a regression in his walk with God, his fellowship with others and his physical condition.  He didn't enter back into past sin but retained a personal hurt.

I visited him often in hospital and at one point the nurse told me that physically he was able to recover but mentally he had given up because of bitterness.  The final stages of Norm's condition were such that his thoughts and intentions were incoherent.  This, perhaps, was reflected in the confusion of his letter to you.

We believe that Norm's decision to receive Jesus secured for him the home he enjoys today.  We thank God for the testimony of a life-changed by the power of God.

Once again, thank you for your concern and if there are any issues that we can assist you in don't hesitate to write.

Sincerely, 

Rev. John C. _______"

Those reading this who know about SSA will understand under what conditions Norman and I met initially.  After a time I had to let him know I was a Christian and that we couldn't keep meeting in the same manner.  I had been in contact with a "ministry" in the East and decided to move there in hopes of getting support and help.  I travelled to Ontario and was there for three years when I got a letter from Norman with the great news that he had become a Christian.  For the next years we kept in contact through letters and I saw the change in him and the enthusiasm for serving the Lord, as indicated in the letter above.  

In 1987 I was going to move back to Western Canada and so contacted Norman.  I ended up not moving then but in a letter from Norman he told me he had been extremely ill but that God had healed him and that he was living proof of divine healing.  He didn't tell me it was AIDS and I didn't even suspect it until the news of his passing.

I am MISSING A FRIEND today.  In one of his letters he told me that he "didn't think it does any good to rehash the past, to let it go and forget it."  I recall him sharing a little bit concerning his past and it was full of painful things. I remember thinking that there was pain in his eyes.  That became clearer when I heard that he was gone.  

A leader of a support group I attended in Ontario once told me he saw there was pain in my eyes and life.  I passed it off at the time but today I know that what he said was true.  I also know that facing the things that caused such excruciating pain, though it took a long time to realize how deep they were and hard to understand, was necessary for me to stay alive.  One by one God in His love has helped me to face them, pray over them, cry, face the shame many of them caused and give them to Him where they are covered by His blood.  Just this week for almost the first time in my life I have felt "normal", no words here can express what that means to me.

I am MISSING A FRIEND today because Norman didn't take the chance to face the pain he felt so deeply.  He had God in his heart, the God who saved his soul and made him a new Creation.  If you could read the letters he wrote to me you would see the beautiful things the Lord did in his life.  For some reason Norman gave up in the end, only he knew the reason why and he's not here to tell now.  I want to see him in heaven, I know I will.